JePUrdEE: Jeopardy The Lost Episode 3
JePUrdEE: Jeopardy The Lost Episode 3 I knew this wasn't over once Bobby sent me the link. I told him to watch the finale episode I saw. He said it was probably just a coincidence. So I told him to go fuck himself. I blocked Bobby that instant. What a prick. I reported the link to the authorities. They said that they couldn't track the websites source. They told me to stay out of the situation from then on. I said “Fuck that man.” in my head and had a good chuckle. I knew I had to do something more to end this shit once and for all. I keep seeing signs and bus ads for Jeopardy. My piss comes to a boil so hard every time I do, like so hot, you could boil noodles in that shit man lol. I checked my local TV schedule for the show. It was surprisingly not on; until one date. Friday June 6th. I realized that is the SIXTH day of June, the SIXTH month, on Friday, the SIXTH day of the week. If it was in 2006, I'd shit out my green bean guacamole burrito again lol. I had to watch this episode. I felt as if I needed to to end this deal. The day had come. I had Funkles beside me, and I was ready to watch this gruesome mess of a TV show on my television. The show then had started. The title screen was in negative and reverse, but this time, the title screen was painted with slightly hyper realistic blood. It was also spelt “JePUrdEE.” WHAT A SHOCKER WOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAH MAN. Then the host, Alex Trebek showed up. I flung a piece of shit I was saving at the screen at him. But heres the really spooky deal here. Its like the show stopped when I cleaned it up. The host was now angry and his eyes were dripping hyper realistic blood not as fast as the laughter, but faster than when he's smiling like a creeper on da playground. He looked as pissed off as shit and heres what made me pee pee in my pants. Actually I held it in this time but I almost made a wee wee in my slacks. He said to the viewer: “You're disrespecting me you piece of shit!” I knew he was talking to me for flinging my poop at the screen like a chimpanzee. He said “I know theres a 'special viewer' out there watching tonight's episode. I hope you enjoy.... Edward.” I knew there was something wrong. Wait a second. There was already something wrong two stories ago...whatever. He then went to the contestants. Again, two men and a woman. This freaked me out though. They looked like actual people I knew in real life. The far left one looked like Bobby, the middle guy looked like my father, and the women looked like my mom. The names were also pretty freaky deaky as well. They were all.....Edward. The host then said “Lets begin my friends. Especially my special ones at home, Hehe....” The categories were all labelled....Edward. The women then chose one of the categories. It then said: “Who is a dirty cock sucking shit head who deserves to burn in Hell?” The alarm heads to my surprise were present here. Except they looked like my head. She then answered with my name after she smashed “my” sexy mother fuckin' head. What a bitch ass. This continued for the rest of the episode with questions about me being dead or something like that. This time there was a tie again, but here's where things took a goofy turn for the wurstest. He then said “You all win. LETS ALL BE FRIENDS EDWARD. WE LOVE YOU EDWARD. WE WANT YOU EDWARD. WE LUST FOR YOUR BODY, BLOOD, AND FLESH EDWARD. WE WANT YOUR SOULD EDWARD. EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAARDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!” There was so much hyper realistic blood flooding out of his eyes, I swear it was on the frigging news that's how bad it was lol man. So I said out loud to the TV: “Kiss my fat ass you stupid hoe!” Alex Trebek then replied “Oh we will Edward. We'll enjoy it too!” Then the credits rolled downwards withed the stupid twisted like a twizzler liquorice theme song. All the credits we just Edward. I was like “Woah man looks like I'm hotter than I thought.” I then remembered that this was serious. The FBI then called me. They said that they had watched the episode. They were really gonna try to find the source now. I knew they wouldn't.... BECAUSE IT WAS COMING FROM HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Then I went to my computer to get my mind off of the episode. My fear was over the top now. My wallpaper was a backround of Jeopardy. It was negatively coloured, and had the host, Alex Trebek, with his eyes filled up with blood. I forgot to mention it was also slightly unrealistic. Kinda. I opened up Youtube, and everything was Jeopardy related. I clicked a video, and It was the host. He was talking to the viewer. He then spoke: “Welcome Edward, my friend. You have finally done it. You helped me with my master plan. I AM FINALLY FREE!!!!!!!” He then jumped out of the computer and flew up into the sky!!! I was like “WOAH BRO MY PEANUTS FELL OUT OF THE ENCHILLADA DRINK!” I knew he was gonna attack the Earth. I then got a message from a new contact on my Skype. It said “This is Bobby. I have some stuff to tell you. I HAD to send you the Jeopardy.exe file. The Demon Alex Trebek told me he would kill my family if I didn't. But there is another thing I can tell you. I am a SOOPUR DOOPUR DEEMIN KILLER THAT CAN KILL STUFFZ! YOUR BEAR FUNKLES IS YOUR SECRET WEAPON. Oh yeah I also forgot THE GREEN BEAN GUACAMOLE BURRITO IS ALSO A WEAPON! NOW GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND PROCEED TO YOUR DESTINY!” He then showed up to my house and was like “You got my message right?” I was all like “Yeah man.” Then Funkles came up and said “We must go! But first you must eat this!” He then gave me my Green Bean Guacamole Burrito! I snarfed it down, and then something else happened. I then started glowing perrywinkle, and farted righteous glory! I then flew up into the sky with my friends following me. I could see him destroying the city with his super lazers! He was also breathing fire onto the innocent people of Happyville ( I ain't telling you where I live lol!) THEN THE SKY TURNED NEGATIVE AND WITH HYPER REALISTIC FLESH! IT ALSO STARTED TO RAIN SOOPUR DOOPUR HYPER REALISTIC BLOOOOOOOOD!!!!!! He then saw me and said “ YOU AND THE REST OF THE CITY ARE GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He then shot his lazers at me and my friends! I used my new powers for the first time. I shot red lazer beams from my body and it hit him. He started bleeding violently. He then said “GO MY FRIENDS!” Then the contestants from the Jeopardy.exe video coming out! Funkles said “Choo choo! Here comes the train! Next stop, DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Funkles then eliminated one of the contestants. Bobby then threw a green bean guacamole buritto grenade at the other one. Then the contestant BLEW UP LIKE KA BROOMBLESSSSZZZZ! Then Bobby went in for the kill! Alex Trebek then hit Bobby with his fire breath, and Bobby went down! “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I shouted. Funkles then said “I got him. Take out the negative colored mother fucker for me?” He then went to go save Bobby. I shot my lazers at the host, but he dodged them all! He then used his scary fire breath, and he hit me! I was hurt really badly, but I was still able to fly, unlike Bobby who got hit hard as fuck. I shot my lazer from my hands, eyes, nose, ears, you name it! I hit him a few times, but it wasn't enough to get him down. He then said “LETS POWER UP MY FREINDS!” He then started pouring out his hyper realistic blood, well now actually really and very realistic that not hyper realistic blood anymore, well he poured the blood, but he drank it now. “I AM SUPER ALEX TREBEK ULTIMATE DEMON JEOPARDY HOST NOW AHAHAHAHAHA! THE EARTH IS NOW IN.....wait for it......JEOPARDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I knew I wasn't powerful enough to do it. I then remembered, Bobby and Funkles. I then went down to see them. Funkles was crying, because Bobby had died. I then remembered my Green Bean Guacamole Burrito! I regurgitated it, and shoved it down Bobby's throat! He came back to life! He then said “WE MUST COMBINE TO DEFEAT THE ALEX TREBEK ULTIMATE DEMON JEOPARDY HOST!” WE THEN COMBINED TO FORM ULTIMATE SUPER TENGAN TOPPA EDWARD BOBBY/GREGORY FUNKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(his real name's Gregory I might as well tell you now.) WE HAD TO STOP THE DEMON HOST FROM RUINING OUR BEAUTIFUL PLANET I TELL YOU!!!!!! “YOU COME TO STOP ME SUPER TENGAN TOPPA EDWARD GREGORY FUNKLES!?!?! WELCOME TO DEATH THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Alex Trebek yelled as he used his ultimate lazer beam! “SUPER TENGAN TOPPA EDWARD BOBBY FUNKLES WILL NEVER GO DOWN!” I yelled at the demon! We then had to use all of our might and energy to at least make a scratch on him! We used the SOOPUR DOOPUR BURRTIO BEAM on him! It did massive amounts of damage on him! “OH NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! HELP ME MY FRIENDS!!!!!!” shouted the host of Jeopardy. THEN MORE CONTESTANTS STARTED COMING OUT OF HIS SOOPUR HYPER REALISTIC EYES WITH BLOOD! We took them down easily!!! He started to charge up, and even use his SUPER HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD LAZER ATTACK! IT WAS REALLY STRONG AGAINST US! “WE CANT GIVE UP!” Bobby said. “WE HAVE TO USE THE ULTIMATE CHARGE UP SKILL!” said Funkles. “YES I NOW KNOW. EVERYONE! PEE PEE RIGHT INTO YOUR TUESDAY BEST PANTS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” WE THEN PEE PEE'D RIGHT INTO OUR BEST TUESDAY BEST PANTS!!!!!!!! “OH NO! NOT PEE PEE'ING RIGHT INTO YOUR WHATEVER THE DAY OF THE WEEK IT IS PANTS!!!!!!!!!” Yelled Alex Trebek! THEN WE SCREAMED FOR LIKE 20 FRIGGING MINUTES AS WE USED THE ULTIMATE URINE IN THE PANTALOONS LAZERRRRRRR RAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN ALEX TREBEK YELLED “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..........................Looks like.......I'll be seeing you later.....my........friends....” And I was all like “As in later, you mean NEVER AHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!” And then he died and fell out of the whole fucking sky, which was now back to its old regular old realistic feel now. Soon after we returned to the city, Funkles and Gregory told me something. “I think we learned a lesson today. Never trust HYPER REALISTIC NEAGATIVE REVERSE MEN! Ok?” I was all like “Ok.” Now that this deal is over, who wants milkshakes?” Funkles asked, then we all had a nice big 90's cartoon show chuckle and went to go get some milkshakes. After that, I returned home to go watch some TV. I turned it on, and it was........... some regular ass TV. What did you expect JEOPARDY?!?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! See you later my friends. Actually no fuck that man. Just...just..... later guys. TO BE CONINUED?!?!?!?!?!?! Category:Stories Category:Canon Category:Jeopardy Category:Lore